Donna Louise here. Another lovely day here in the city with cool breezes and lots of sunshine. I’m thinking it could last another two months and I’d be happy. We could use a little rain here and there, but, hey, I’ll take what I get.

Let’s see…oh, yes, the Post Office police. They showed up at my door one morning and wanted to talk with the parent or parents of “Little Donna Louise.” This very gruff officer flashed his badge in my face. It meant nothing to me because he snapped it shut before I could really look at it. Do these government types think I’m a speed reader?

The second officer, a young woman, the good cop in the “good cop/bad cop” ruse said, “Are you her mother? We’ve heard so much about the sad circumstances of your daughter’s life. You have my deepest sympathy.”

I thanked her. “But, I’m not her mother and her parents are not here.”

Gruffy asked, “How can we get a hold of them?”

“You can’t.”

“Why not? I’ll track them down if you’ll tell me where they are.” Gruffy wanted information and he wanted it now.

“Her mother and father reside at 2700 Blueberry Road in Plattsburg, Missouri. I’m sure they’re home right now.”

Gruffy asked me to repeat the address, which I did, as I wanted to cooperate with them. He grabbed “Nice Lady” by the arm and walked down the stairs to a black SUV. They climbed inside.

I figured they’d be back within a few minutes so I didn’t bother to shut the door. The dryer buzzer had gone off so I went to the basement to pull out my dry clothes. While I was down there, I heard someone pounding on my door. I didn’t rush because I knew they wouldn’t leave.

Dropping the clothes in the spare bedroom, I strolled to the front door to find Gruffy and Nice Lady standing on the porch, neither one of them wore a smile.

“Yes, may I help you?”

“That’s a cemetery. Is that your idea of a joke?” Gruffy was pointing his finger in my face. “Because, if it is, I don’t find it at all funny.”

“You asked where Donna Louise’s parents were and I told you. You did not ask me if they were dead or alive or I would have told you they both were dead. You didn’t ask the right question.”

Nice Lady asked, “Are you Donna Louise’s guardian?”

“No.”

“Her sister?”

“No.”

“A relative.”

“No.”

“Then who in the hell are you, lady?” Gruffy lost what little cool he had.

 “I’m Donna Louise.”

 Their mouths dropped open. Gruffy whipped out a pair of handcuffs. Nice Lady spun me around and Gruffy cuffed me. As they led me down the stairs, I saw Mikey out in his front yard. “Mikey, call my lawyer. These Post Office people are arresting me.”

 Mikey came running over, but stopped short of the SUV. Gruffy had pulled a gun. “No need to get involved in this crime. I’d hate to shoot you.”

Those post office people have NO sense of humor, but it turns out they weren’t from the U.S. Post Office.

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