Went to my first ever vampire bar last night. Got home right before the sun started to rise. Going to be now. More later. The sun….OH, NO! Just kidding. Later.
Archives for the month of: October, 2012
Donna Louise here bundling up against another crisp fall day. A good day for yard work…for someone else. I plan to go out to lunch at this trendy restaurant that opened down close to Hospital Hill. I’ve driven by once or twice to check it out—always packed, lots of smiling people. Today’s the day for a wonderful eating experience.
I give Lucy an A+ for toenail painting. Her attention to detail made her nails look fabulous and gave me hope that she would remember some detail about her attacker, “Count Dracula”, that would lead me to him.
When she finished putting the last swipe of polish on her big toe, she laid back in her bed. “Personal hygiene is sooooo exhausting. To think I do this every day.”
Since when did painting one’s nails become a part of personal hygiene? I smiled and asked, “You paint your toenails daily?”
She fixed me with this stare. “You mean, you don’t?”
Now come on. I’m lucky to get down there once a month. Nobody ever sees my feet except in the summer. And, quite frankly, I hope my feet aren’t the first thing on my body people are looking at.
There was that guy a couple of years ago who sent me for a pedicure every week. In the end he didn’t love me as much as he loved my feet. I let him cast them in silicone and terminated the relationship. I wanted someone to love all of me because what would happen if I lost my feet in an accident or something? Would he have left me? Back on track.
“Once a week—I do my toenails once a week.”
Lucy smiled. “That’s good enough to meet personal hygiene standards. Now, what do you want?”
I like direct, if somewhat aggressive, women. “Do you remember any details about the attack in the park? What the guy was wearing? What cologne he wore? Any accents or funny pronunciations? Any detail that might help me find him?”
She laughed. “The guy was dressed up as Count Dracula—a tux with a starched white shirt and a cape. Very cool. Cologne? Maybe some cheap stuff from a low-end drugstore.” She thought for a minute. “Then there was that phony Transylvanian accent. The dude has watched way too many old vampire movies. And he smelled of garlic.”
“Garlic?”
“Yeah, that made me suspicious of the whole vampire routine. Vampires don’t like garlic, even if they’re Italian. He didn’t sound Italian so I figured he was some perv out to get his release.”
“His release from what?”
“Blue balls. You know, that condition that affects a lot of men.”
I’ll have to google that.
Donna Louise 