Archives for the month of: October, 2012

Donna Louise here realizing how little I know about the world around me. Before last Saturday night, I only knew vampires from books. Like many things, books don’t do them justice, except in how sexually alluring they can be. I had to restrain myself with the two I spent five hours with at “The Cross & Stake” which, it turns out is the name of one of the vampire bars and the one where I found myself.

She God had a cute little medicine tree like they have in the hospital—only miniature. From one of the hooks hug a tiny IV bag with red liquid in it and from the other side a bag with a clear liquid in it. The bartender had stuck the IV needle into the lime that sat on the side of the drink. The mixture infused the lime and then bled into the drink. So cute.

“What’s that?” I asked She God.

“A bloody gin tonic. The blood’s here.” She God pointed to the little red bag. “The tonic is here.” Pointing to the other bag. “And the gin is in the glass. It’s quite good. Would you like one?”

“Maybe later. After our punch night at ‘The Hole’ I shy away from concoctions I’ve not seen prepared. That drug-laden punch affected me…”

She God put her hand on mine. “I know. I was there on the floor with you.”

Mother of God, I came close to reaching the big O right there on that bar stool.

“You promised you’d come back to the club. I returned. You didn’t show up. Was it something about me, you didn’t like?” The hurt in her voice pulled me back from the edge of O.

“No, I had something happen that kept me from coming back.” I told her the whole story about BD, Tom and Florida and how grief had made my life unbearable for awhile.

She listened. Put her arm around me. The bartender stopped to hold my hand. While I’m telling my story, I’m wondering how long I can continue to enjoy the physical contact from two vampires who were warmer than I expected.

About that time Ann came up and sat on the bar stool next to me. “I see you’ve made some friends tonight.”

The tone of her voice told me she wasn’t happy about my social successes.

“Yes, I met these two lovely people. She God and I met at a metal club two weeks ago when I went to see the Anal Plugs play at the ‘The Hole.’ She helped me come down from a psychedelic punch trip. I owe her my life.”

Ann hopped up off the stool and went around to She God. “This is the bitch you were telling me about. You two-timing whore! I should’ve never let you go out alone.”

People in the bar close to us had turned to see what was going on. I edged off my stool. “Now wait a minute, Ann. Nothing happened between us.”

“Oh, yeah? You’re all she talks about. I should have recognized your name.” With that she marched across the dance floor to the DJ’s booth and up the stairs. She pushed the DJ out of the way.

“Vampires, we have an intruder among us. She’s sitting next to my girlfriend at the bar.”

Mama didn’t raise no dummy. I had left my seat at the bar and taken refuge behind it. The bartender was only too happy to hide me.

I heard a scream. “The bitch has escaped. Get her and bring her to me.” Chaos ensued as I heard people running. Chairs scraped the floor. The music died.

The bartender bent over. “See that door at the end of the bar?”

I nodded.

“Right next to it is a door to the outside. When you get outside you turn right and walk three blocks to the bus stop. It’s 5:30 and the bus will leave in about seven minutes. Hurry. No one knows who you are except me, She God, Hem and Ann. Ann won’t leave the bar until we clean it up. I suggest you never come back because she owns this place. Besides, she forgives no one.”

As I hurried through the dark streets to the bus, I wondered what I had done wrong. At the bus shelter about ten people from the bar waited looking like undernourished young people. They all stared at me as if I didn’t belong, but no one bothered me. We  boarded the bus and I arrived home before the sun cleared the horizon.

That’s one vampire bar down and another one to go, but that one I must find on my own.

As I put away my outfit, I found a cocktail napkin from “The Cross and the Stake.” On it someone had written, “I want to make love with you.” No signature. Great, all I need is a vampire lover. I’ll never get any sleep.


Donna Louise here recuperating from a very late night in one of the city’s premiere vampire bars. It opens at midnight—long after my bedtime—but no price is too great to pay to catch a fake vampire attacking young women. Or, at least there wasn’t until I spent six hours in a dark place with about 500 other people in what may be the most unique experience of my life. Come to think about it, I’ve had weirder, but this rates high on the “Odd Chart of DL’s Life Experiences.”

Following some directions from the Vampire Hot Line which provides services to people seeking to meet other people interested in vampirism, I went to a coffee house where I met Ann Yurism and Hema Toma (which are, of course, not their real names—they never give those out except to people they trust and I’m not one of them). They asked me why I was interested in the vampire world especially since I didn’t appear to fall into the extremely youthful age group that flocks to vampirism.

I explained how much I had wanted to be a vampire as a younger woman, but buried that desire under my need to work, earn a living and set aside money. Having achieved my goal of being independently wealthy, I now had the opportunity to purse my heart’s desire. Now, as we know, that’s mostly bullshit, but I didn’t feel like I could unload on them. After all, they wouldn’t give me their real names so the distrust was mutual.

They instructed me to grab a coffee and sit at another table while they interviewed other people. At midnight they would lead those people they found acceptable to one of two vampire bars in an undisclosed area. They would blindfold us before they drove to the club as they did not want outsiders to know about the place.

I bought myself a triple expresso figuring it would keep me awake all night and sat down at a table by myself. I watched Ann and Hema interview ten people. Only five stayed and sat at other tables looking around to see if they could recognize anyone. They all looked pale, but fairly normal. One young man had multiple piercings in his face. He looked like Justin Bieber after someone attacked him with a nail gun…cute and studded.

At midnight the women gathered us and took us to a van. Once inside they put blindfolds on each of us before taking off. We drove a long time, but I think we went in a big circle to throw us off should we be memorizing the turns and sounds coming from the outside.

When the van stopped. They said, “Blindfolds off.” We were in a pitch black area that I didn’t recognize at all. They led us to a door and knocked. A man with a white face like a mime (I hate mimes) opened a little slot in the door. They said something to him. He opened it and we went inside to Techno music and a packed dance floor.

The living dead certainly knew how to party. Our guides informed us that we would meet at 6 a.m. when the bar closed and they would take us back to the coffee shop—blindfolded. We had five and a half hours to become acquainted with their world. I got right to work.

At the bar I ordered a Bloody Mary which seemed like an appropriate drink. The bartender, a pale, hunky guy leaned across the bar. “What may I make for you?”

The question while appropriate seemed laden with sexual innuendo. My knees almost buckled.

“I’ll have a Bloody Mary with celery, no olives.”

He smiled. “Real or fake blood or the non-bloodsucker original?”

“How about the non-bloodsucker one? I have to drive home.”

He laughed. “One NBS Bloody Mary coming up for the beautiful bodacious lady.”

Bodacious? I looked at my breasts. Maybe they look bigger in the dark. (Yesterday afternoon Mikey told me that “bodacious” meant bold and audacious, not big breasted. Damn.)

I’d had two drinks when someone sat down next to me. A lovely tenor voice said, “Well, well, well, the woman of my metal dreams comes home.”

I whirled around on my bar stool. Sitting next to me was She God in all her metal glory with a few vampire touches. There I was with a hunky bartender and a transvestite guy who had rocked my metal world about two weeks ago. I felt like I had died and arrived at the gates to Vampire Heaven.