Archives for the month of: October, 2012

Donna Louise here putting the candy in bowls to give out tonight when the little monsters visit. Not many people in the ‘hood have children so I will hand out candy to the few little ones on the block before I turn off my porch light and withdraw to the upstairs for the evening if I decide to stay at home.

I called Detective Yank Kaiser to tell him about the the vampire sex scene. He said he’d visit Mina, Lucy and Brad (the Count’s name when he isn’t flitting around in a black cape with white face). Yank wants to impress upon them how much they cost the city in detective dollars and how he won’t arrest them this time. I thanked him for his kindness. I hope Mina doesn’t try to deck him. Then again…

All my friends back East are fine. They survived Frankenstorm although many of them are without electricity.

Now I need to decide what I’m going to wear to greet the kids tonight. I think I’ll paint my face green, put on some fake fingernails, and practice diabolical cackling. Somewhere in this house lies a witch costume I wore a couple of years ago. Though somewhat sexually suggestive in the way it was made, I think a few alterations will make it a G-rated costume in which to hand out candy. I better get busy and find it.

Sean and Arnie called to invite me to their condo for a Halloween party tonight. I may close up the treating early and head over there. I think I’ll go as Greta Van Susteren, the Fox News commentator and Scientologist. I wouldn’t even need to remove my green face make-up. That would be a pretty scary costume even for Halloween even without the green face.

Better get to work on those costumes before the day flies by and I’m greeting children as Donna Louise.

Have a safe and happy Halloween. Be safe if you trick because it could end up not being such a treat.



Donna Louise here tracking Frankenstorm—a clever name when you think about it. The weather people have senses of humor. Maybe they must to survive so many failed predictions. Here in the Heart of America we won’t see any of it, but that doesn’t mean we won’t be affected. Halloween will be like always though and that’s the most important thing.

I talked to Mina and Lucy again, tracked them to their home address. Neither one was any friendlier than they were before AND they have reconciled. The two, young women now share an apartment in the ‘hood. When I knocked on the door after jimmying the front door to the apartment building, Mina answerd and looked very surprised. She recovered quickly. “What do YOU want?”

As I pushed the door open, imagine my surprise to see Lucy flat on her back having a pedicure from Count Dracula. Lucy screamed. The Count screamed. Mina attempted to deck me with a right hook, but I put the door between us. Her fist hit solid wood and I swear I heard some cracking, probably just her knuckles.

I headed straight for the Count who cowered on the far side of the chaise longue (aka, chaise lounge). Lucy had sat up so she could hide him from my view. She’s much too thin to hide anyone.

“What’s going on? Do you know him?”

Lucy stuttered. “Ye…ye..yes. He..e..e…e’s our boyfriend.”

“Your boyfriend?” My head turning back and forth as I looked at Mina and Lucy. I felt like I was at Wimbleton. “Then why did you call the police and report an assault?”

 Mina yelled at me from the floor. “I didn’t. You butted in and tried to save me.”

“What are you talking about? You were the one who was screaming for help.”

Mina sat in an easy chair and massaged her knuckles. “It was a scene, you silly bitch, not real life.”

She had just crossed a line. I turned from Lucy and the Count and walked over to the easy chair. “Listen, Sarah Bernhardt, you play your scenes out on stage, not on the street.”

“I’m Mina Murray, not Sarah what’s-her-name.” (Don’t these kids study the history of the theater?) The sneeriness (I made that up) dripped from her voice.

I walked around behind the chair and leaned over so I could whisper in her ear. “Filing a false police report is a crime punishable by imprisonment or a fine or both. Now stuff that attitude.”

She rose from the chair. “And who’s gonna make me?”

As I hurried around the chair, she fled to the chaise where she joined the Count.

“Now that I have your attention, let me tell you how wrong what you all did was? You’ve used up lots of police man hours that couldv’e been spent on real crimes. Some people think a vampire in on the loose. You’ve made people afraid. Scared people make bad neighbors.”

The Count whimpered. “But we were only doing a realistic scene. You’re too old to understand.”

“Too old to understand? I’ve been doing public scenes since I was four years old. But, I haven’t been reporting false assaults to the police.”

Mina had apparently grown a little more sure of herself. “Yeah, but if you had minded your own business, the trouble never would have started.”

“Did you expect people not to come to your aid? What kind of world would that be?” I cringed as I said it because I almost knew for sure what her response would be.

Sure enough, she said exactly what I thought she might. “Most people would have ignored my pleas for help, but I had to get a do-gooder.”

As Mama always said, “No good deed goes unpunished.”