Donna Louise here admiring my freshly washed and waxed, new-used, metallic purple with green undertones, convertible-topped Pinto that started its life as a 1973 Pinto Runabout. Someone did some serious customizing. The wire wheels make it a sweet ride. The souped-up engine takes me from zero to seventy in under 5 seconds. The previous owner must have been a hoot to know.

I paid Mikey the $1000 he spent and promised him monthly pork chops and scalloped potatoes for a year instead of giving him an unregistered handgun. I don’t know where I’d find one anyway.

He thanked me, but the sad look in his eyes when I said, “I’ll take it” made me think he really wanted me to say, “No, I don’t want it.” To make him feel better, I told him he could drive it whenever he wanted. He smiled and his eyes sparkled.

“And, Donna Louise, don’t worry about the exploding gas tank when you’re rear ended. Mrs. Spagmundi had that fixed when her husband, Otto, customize the car for her. He added special safety features and cushioned the gas tank. You’re perfectly safe short of being hit by a speeding locomotive. Promise me you’ll stay off train tracks.”

I almost said, “I’ll never be on train tracks in a car” but then I thought I’d better not. It seems that all the things I’ve thought I’ll never do, I’ve done.

This afternoon I plan to cruise the Plaza in my retro baby. I’m sure people will be jealous. You don’t see Pintos much anymore.

Now my only decision is what retro outfit to weigh for the afternoon cruising. Perhaps a pair of embroidered, flared jeans with a halter top and my red patent leather platforms shoes would be retro enough.

Of course, I have difficulty walking in platforms heels, let along driving in them. Still they would be a nice touch if I ever get out of the car.

I’ll dig through my cassette collection for “The Greatest Hits o Tony Orlando & Dawn.” What 1973 retro afternoon would be complete without “Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the  Old Oak Tree” and “Say, Has Anybody Seen My Sweet Gypsy Rose”? The song titles are longer than I remember their career being.

And, I can’t forget Vicki Lawrence and her hit, “The Night the Lights Went Out inGeorgia.” That’s another 1973 classic I must find and play while cruising.

Good-bye, 2012. Hello, 1973.