Archives for the month of: June, 2012

Donna Louise here recovering from my sun stroke. I spent a little too much time in the hot sun yesterday. A hat from 1973 would’ve been a good idea—actually a hat from any year would have. Who knew that 102 degrees with 54% humidity could make me so sick? I drank lots of water as I cruised with the top of my new Pinto convertible down.

As Douglas Adams said, “You live and learn. At any rate you live.”

This morning I felt better so I went out for a ham & cheese croissant and a cup of tea. I read a suburban newspaper story about a woman who allegedly shot and killed her husband when she discovered him in a car with another woman. The upset wife also fatally wounded the woman “for good measure.”

Seems a little extreme to me. While I understand her shooting her two-timing husband, I don’t quite understand why she was so mad at the other woman. The murderer had a one-way ticket to Rio de Janeiro in her handbag along with the handgun police believe was used in the shootings. Maybe she had spent too much time in the sun.

Hot people act very cross. Some guy made a U-turn in front of another car. The driver narrowly missed hitting his truck. He yelled at her for being stupid.

As I waited for the bus, a woman wheeled her sleeping child to her pricey SUV. She put on the stroller brakes. She went around to the driver’s side, opened the door and started the car, apparently to get the air-conditioning going.

She walked in front of the SUV to fiddle with the stroller. The woman looked up and screamed, “My baby.”

The SUV was rolling backwards. It made it to the intersection where it turned its rear end to the right, continued across the street, jumped the curb and went up an incline before the back wheels dropped over a stone wall. The car had gone 100 feet without hitting anything or anyone.

During this time the woman left her baby on the sidewalk to pursue her car. I watched the child to make sure no one stole it while the woman went after her other “baby.”

Minutes later, at the library, a woman stood her little girl in front of the door and then pulled it open so hard it smacked her child in the head knocking the poor thing to the floor. The woman acted all shocked. DUH!

This prolonged heat is making people nuttier than usual and we have another week of temperatures above 95 degrees.

Donna Louise here admiring my freshly washed and waxed, new-used, metallic purple with green undertones, convertible-topped Pinto that started its life as a 1973 Pinto Runabout. Someone did some serious customizing. The wire wheels make it a sweet ride. The souped-up engine takes me from zero to seventy in under 5 seconds. The previous owner must have been a hoot to know.

I paid Mikey the $1000 he spent and promised him monthly pork chops and scalloped potatoes for a year instead of giving him an unregistered handgun. I don’t know where I’d find one anyway.

He thanked me, but the sad look in his eyes when I said, “I’ll take it” made me think he really wanted me to say, “No, I don’t want it.” To make him feel better, I told him he could drive it whenever he wanted. He smiled and his eyes sparkled.

“And, Donna Louise, don’t worry about the exploding gas tank when you’re rear ended. Mrs. Spagmundi had that fixed when her husband, Otto, customize the car for her. He added special safety features and cushioned the gas tank. You’re perfectly safe short of being hit by a speeding locomotive. Promise me you’ll stay off train tracks.”

I almost said, “I’ll never be on train tracks in a car” but then I thought I’d better not. It seems that all the things I’ve thought I’ll never do, I’ve done.

This afternoon I plan to cruise the Plaza in my retro baby. I’m sure people will be jealous. You don’t see Pintos much anymore.

Now my only decision is what retro outfit to weigh for the afternoon cruising. Perhaps a pair of embroidered, flared jeans with a halter top and my red patent leather platforms shoes would be retro enough.

Of course, I have difficulty walking in platforms heels, let along driving in them. Still they would be a nice touch if I ever get out of the car.

I’ll dig through my cassette collection for “The Greatest Hits o Tony Orlando & Dawn.” What 1973 retro afternoon would be complete without “Tie a Yellow Ribbon Round the  Old Oak Tree” and “Say, Has Anybody Seen My Sweet Gypsy Rose”? The song titles are longer than I remember their career being.

And, I can’t forget Vicki Lawrence and her hit, “The Night the Lights Went Out inGeorgia.” That’s another 1973 classic I must find and play while cruising.

Good-bye, 2012. Hello, 1973.