Donna Louise here thinking about Bubbles’ report on the mysterious man and car at the gardens. He really creeped me out.

Bubbles called me yesterday afternoon to ask if I’d seen the news report about Reverend Sebastian Seesman being found naked and tied to a tree in the woods at the arboretum.

I hadn’t.

He claimed a crazed lesbian feminist attacked him while he was taking pictures of squirrels in their natural habitat, stripped him naked and tied him to a tree before he knew what had happened. “She was possessed by a she-devil.”

Bubbles laughed. “That’s me, 36 Double DD, she-devil on the loose.” 

The newscaster talked to a police spokesman who reported that the photos on Reverend Seesman’s memory card did not corroborate his story. He’s being held in the Johnson County jail pending a hearing.

The report went on to say that an anonymous phone call from the pastor’s church tipped authorities off  to the suspect’s location. Church staff members denied placing any calls as the church was closed. “More on Good Morning, KC.”

“Bubbles, how did you do all that?” She ignored my question.

“Reverend Sussman chairs the board of  Babies Are People Too which campaigns for the personhood status of fetuses from conception to birth. He has been quoted as saying, ‘We’ve been sent by God to protect babies until they’re born. Women’s rights do not supersede the rights of the unborn. What happens to the babies after birth isn’t our responsibility.’”

Seems his wife Elvira remains a fugitive. Authorities want to arrest her for the bombing of Elephant Condom Company in Sweet Jesus, Florida. That state is a hotbed of weirdness although I know lovely people who live there. After the bombing, which destroyed the building without injuring anyone, WICKED issued a statement. “Women in Christ Killing Evil Doers has punched a hole in the birth control production process. Long live Jesus’ word.”

Ernest Cline, president and CEO of the company, expressed his disbelief at the terrorist bombing. “Is this some kind of bad joke? We make condoms for zoo animals, not humans. Our products are used in the artificial insemination process for the reproduction of nearly extinct animals.”

Condoms for elephants and other zoo animals? Who knew that animals practiced safer sex or cared about family planning?  Maybe other species are more intelligent than I’ve given them credit. I wonder what an elephant condom looks like? I’ll google it.