Archives for the month of: April, 2012

Donna Louise here constructing May baskets in the early a.m. to deliver tomorrow morning to my neighbors in the ‘hood. May baskets are a lost American art form. Mama taught me to make them when I was a child.

The evening prior to May Day, I’d sit at the kitchen table surrounded by construction paper in spring colors, a jar of white paste (like we ate in grade school), round-nosed scissors, and my big, fat, red lead pencil.

Rolling May Baskets 101:

Take a piece of construction paper and roll it into a cone. If you roll it the long way, you get a long, slender cone; the short way gives you a fatter cone. Slender ones are better because they don’t require as many flowers to fill them. (Make sure you check your flower supply before you roll baskets.)

Spread paste or glues on the overlapping part and hold it until it sticks together.

Make as many baskets as you need.

Cut strips from matching or contrasting colored construction paper to make handles and glue those to the cones.

Thanks go to the creator of markers, you don’t need to smash your basket to write your greeting and name on them. When I was little, mine looked like someone had sat on them because I had to use the lead pencil and press hard.

Fill them with flowers, but not until you’re ready to deliver them. The flowers die really fast so don’t pick them until the morning of. Dead flowers have a negative meaning to most people.

Mama would go out in the yard in the early morning and pick irises, peonies and lilacs. We placed them in the baskets. (Sounds a little Walton-ish, doesn’t it? But it was true.) 

Then you go out and hang them on door handles, knock or ring the bell and run.

Mama and I would make it home in time to answer the calls telling me what a thoughtful girl I was. We didn’t have cell phones back then so I’m not quite sure how that works, but I’ll find out tomorrow.

In a world of increasing alienation and isolation, May baskets could help people reestablish contact with their neighbors. Nothing says “Love” like flowers (maybe diamonds say “love” too).

Tomorrow I’ll be out before dawn delivering baskets. I’ll wait for the calls from appreciative neighbors.

Donna Louise here doing her part to make the world a better and happier place.

Donna Louise here thinking about Bubbles’ report on the mysterious man and car at the gardens. He really creeped me out.

Bubbles called me yesterday afternoon to ask if I’d seen the news report about Reverend Sebastian Seesman being found naked and tied to a tree in the woods at the arboretum.

I hadn’t.

He claimed a crazed lesbian feminist attacked him while he was taking pictures of squirrels in their natural habitat, stripped him naked and tied him to a tree before he knew what had happened. “She was possessed by a she-devil.”

Bubbles laughed. “That’s me, 36 Double DD, she-devil on the loose.” 

The newscaster talked to a police spokesman who reported that the photos on Reverend Seesman’s memory card did not corroborate his story. He’s being held in the Johnson County jail pending a hearing.

The report went on to say that an anonymous phone call from the pastor’s church tipped authorities off  to the suspect’s location. Church staff members denied placing any calls as the church was closed. “More on Good Morning, KC.”

“Bubbles, how did you do all that?” She ignored my question.

“Reverend Sussman chairs the board of  Babies Are People Too which campaigns for the personhood status of fetuses from conception to birth. He has been quoted as saying, ‘We’ve been sent by God to protect babies until they’re born. Women’s rights do not supersede the rights of the unborn. What happens to the babies after birth isn’t our responsibility.’”

Seems his wife Elvira remains a fugitive. Authorities want to arrest her for the bombing of Elephant Condom Company in Sweet Jesus, Florida. That state is a hotbed of weirdness although I know lovely people who live there. After the bombing, which destroyed the building without injuring anyone, WICKED issued a statement. “Women in Christ Killing Evil Doers has punched a hole in the birth control production process. Long live Jesus’ word.”

Ernest Cline, president and CEO of the company, expressed his disbelief at the terrorist bombing. “Is this some kind of bad joke? We make condoms for zoo animals, not humans. Our products are used in the artificial insemination process for the reproduction of nearly extinct animals.”

Condoms for elephants and other zoo animals? Who knew that animals practiced safer sex or cared about family planning?  Maybe other species are more intelligent than I’ve given them credit. I wonder what an elephant condom looks like? I’ll google it.