Donna Louise here supervising the loading of the car. Each piece of luggage contains a tracking device perfected by Mikey, who, though paranoid, knows his security devices. He built these after I told him about my friends who’d lost their bags on direct flights.
“These babies will protect your luggage, Donna Louise.”
One friend flew non-stop from Kansas City to Las Vegas. His checked suitcase didn’t make it. The airline never found it.
Another friend checked her husband’s cremains (IMHO a yucky word for “ashes”) because TSA, the step-children of the Uber-men (Homeland Security), told her she couldn’t carry them onboard.
She found her checked bag and, against her better judgment, packed the urn. When she arrived in Denver, she took her bags and went to the hotel. She opened her suitcase and no cremains, only an impression of the urn on her underwear. The airline never found her husband’s ashes.
Mikey suggested the government’s running experiments on building humans from ashes and agents stole them. Apparently he’d watched a program on the Sci-Fi network about the undercover operation.
If I lose my luggage within 2,000 miles of my location, I press the alarm button and an earsplitting squeal commences and won’t stop until I push the button again.
“But, Mikey, what happens if I push the button and the bag is somewhere far away. Won’t that cause confusion?”
“Sure, you want to disorient them. They used that on Noriega in Panama to drive him out of hiding. If it goes on long enough, the sound will make them confess to their crimes, but that’s the wage of their sin.”
That’s the point where Mikey gets a little scary with “avenging god” thing. I usually excuse myself and go back across the street to my little piece of paranoia-free space. Bless Mikey’s heart.
In a few hours we’ll touch down at Mitchell International Airport—now there’s a story. In 1926 General Mitchell stepped on the U.S. Navy’s last nerve by claiming the superiority of an air force. When they didn’t listen he accused the administration of neglecting the people’s welfare. Court-martialed and found guilty, he resigned and took his campaign to the people. The traditional military forces didn’t think airplanes would help that much. Wrong!
As Mama always said, “Asylums are filled with visionaries and the mentally ill because people can’t tell the difference between the two.” So far I’ve managed to remain free.