Donna Louise here pondering the bum rap Eve received. That dumb-ass Adam could have said, “No, that apple will spoil my paradise.”’ But he didn’t. When confronted with his bad behavior, what did he say? Was it a grown-up thing like, “Yes, I ate an apple?” No, Adam acted like a three-year-old child. “That woman gave it to me.” He jumped up and down as he poked his finger in Eve’s direction.
But, God’s reaction was just as bad. Did he act like the adult? No, he got all pompous and holier-than-thou and drove them out of the garden. Result: Women have been blamed for every bad male behavior since.
To participate in Arnie’s therapy, the doctor administered several psych tests to make sure I was 100% woman (i.e. stupid, helpless, gender-enslaved). I did what most intelligent women has done in similar situations since Eve’s downfall, I lied.
I mean, c’mon, with true-false questions like: “I open a door instead of waiting for a man to open it for me?” Or, “Men are intellectual while women are emotional?” How could I miss?
Then the “fill-in-the-blank questions” test was administered. Christ is to the church what the husband is to his ________. My personal favorite was “________ will lead while women will follow.” Could the answers possibly be “poker buddies” and “Fashion?” I didn’t think so.
I thought I performed quite well even though my blood pressure rose to stroke level by the end of their ridiculous testing session.
Later that afternoon, Dr. Erricksson called me in for a conference. He held my chair as I sat down. “Miss Donna Louise, it’s a rare privilege to meet a woman so blessed with such feminine virtue. You achieved a perfect score. You’re exactly what Mr. Jackman needs. His new treatments begin tomorrow morning.”
I fluttered my eyelids. “And what part will I play?”
“You’ll seduce him into having sexual intercourse. Use that power for good.”
I wanted to wrap my thighs of steel around the good doctor’s neck and squeeze until his head popped off, but, I smiled, “Isn’t that a sin? We aren’t married.”
“Technically, yes, but when Mr. Jackman’s cured and the homosexual demon leaves him, you can beg God’s forgiveness.”
“What if that forgiveness is not forthcoming?”
The doctor cleared his throat. “Oh, well. At least you’ve saved a man’s soul.”
Eve should have killed Adam when she had the chance.