Donna Louise here, all packed and ready to go. Right now I regret leaving this place. I want to break out in song, “Sisters are doin’ it for themselves.” I like the Annie Lennox (Eurhythmics) and Aretha Franklin version better than the Spice Girls one.
In the middle of my third drink, Mother Superior told me that Thursday night Men’s Kegels would resume when she received the all clear from her sources.
I loved that plan. I mean, urinary incontinence is not something I’d wish on anyone. Wait, weren’t they having sex?
“Mother Superior, do you really lead the men in Kegel exercises? Wasn’t Thursday night all about sex?”
She came over and sat next to me. “Kegel exercises increase a man’s sexual pleasure. We started with them, but then the Rejoicing Emissaries conducted “private sessions” in the auditorium. We’ve always been discrete in that area.”
I thought about the prostitution show on public access. “What about Sister Anita? She got caught by the cops.”
Mother Superior coughed. “Yes and I wasn’t happy about that…”
I couldn’t help but ask, “Didn’t her make-up look like a blind monkey had applied it?”
“You’re right about that. See, Sister Anita came to us from the streets. Her pimp fed her addictions. She asked us for help and we rescued her, sobered her up, and trained her to become a Rejoicing Emissary. She slipped. That’s all I can say, but we took her back. She’s clean.”
She could still use some make-up training, but I didn’t say that. “What about Sister Ivy?”
“Donna Louise, she came here with one purpose: to infiltrate the organization and close us down. We found that out from a source and put her out before she knew anything.”
Sister Ivy, a spy and traitor? My heart hurt, until I realized I was no better or worse than she was.
Mother Superior hugged me. “Donna Louise, what a pleasure knowing you has brought to us all. We’ll give you severance pay and a ride anywhere you want to go tomorrow. Come back if things change for you. We can always use a WHORE with a heart of gold.”